I Handled Our Money, but My Therapist Called it Financial Abuse
Abusive relationships can be confusing
“I’ve started to hide cash,” I told my counselor. It was only small amounts from our grocery budget, but I felt guilty lying to my husband.
“Good,” she replied. “Keep hiding it.”
I hadn’t expected that answer and, for the first time, it registered that perhaps our money situation was more abusive than I’d realized.
We’d been married for over a decade and from the start, my husband put me in charge of our finances. He’d gotten himself into massive debt before we met and he had no interest in money, other than spending it.
In the early years, I would try to include him in the weekly budgeting. I’d write down everything we needed to pay and show him my plan. “Are you happy with that?” I’d ask.
He waved me away, not even glancing at the budget book. “I trust you,” he said.
Having managed my own money for years, being in control of the budget suited me. This way I could work out a plan to pay off his debts and build up our savings. Perhaps we could even buy a house one day.
I wrote down short and long-term financial goals and shared them with my husband. “Sounds good,” he said. And it was, for a little…
